Month 21- November 2012- ivf cycle #1- birth control rant "Ortho-novum"aka Nicon 1/35

 YAY!!! I finished a Birth control pack, and I only have 9 days left of them!! Thank goodness!!!!

 These things are so hit or miss when I take them. Sometimes I won't really notice them, and other times I get really down in the dumps, and on edge for no real reason.

 They just force you into that negative mood. Honestly most of the time if I'm not doing work I try to just lay low watch tv, funny movies, chat on the phone with friends and family.


I am loving food lately also! I have gained 5 lbs in 3 weeks. My boobs are swelling up, really sore, and rock hard. OUCH!

 

I have been doing my best to avoid stress because I'm sure if I had to deal with stressful things I might cry or yell at people.  I own a cleaning business, and mostly work from home. I have an assistant that handles all the clients, and cleaners so that makes it so much easier on me during this time. So yea I'm looking forward to the menopause shots right about now. =)-

 

Month 20 & 21 Late October and November 2012- Meds are in, I hate these birth control pills

Well they are in!! All that's gonna go in my body in a matter of 10 days? Quite overwhelming...
So some shots send me into menopause.. Others send me into super ovulating, There is an antibiotic in there. A trigger shot. I just stuck it all in the fridge. I really don't wanna get to overwhelmed or get anxiety about each and every thing in the bunch.

A couple days later I gained this new attitude of  " I'm gonna own this process. I'm gonna be brave. I WILL get through it, and I will try my hardest to stay positive that it will work, and just take it one step at a time, and work hard for my baby(s)"

I'll let you know how I'm doing in a couple weeks. Lol!

Can I also just show you what these birth control pills are doing to my face.. BOOO!!!

I have always had clear skin , and these pills are causing me to have itchy, hard, cystic acne all over the chin, and face.

Month 20- Ending of October 2012 Starting IVF,Talk to a friend's friend who did ivf with my Dr, Birth control pills, I order all the ivf meds

I am going into this very scared, and not knowing anything of what to really expect. All I can think about is having over stimulated ovaries that could burst, being sick, having like 10 frozen babies lost in time, my husband getting sick of me being sick and moody... Lots of scary thoughts and no one to talk to. I have googled " ivf experience" and " ivf review" and no one is telling what happened to them, what meds were the worst, or tips on how to work through it. =/

A friend of mine had a friend that used my same fertility dr, and she gave me her info so I called and had a talk with her. She made me feel so much better! She said she wished she would have moved right to IVF and not waited so long, and that it was really no big deal, and it goes by fast. They put 2 embryos in her , and one took. She now has a beautiful daughter as the result. She also had a polyp, and had my same surgery. So this makes me so happy to hear. She also said her friend just had twins, and used our dr too.

So on 10/23 they had Brandon, and I come in for some testing, and to talk -

Me- Hormone panel, Hiv, hepatitis
Brandon- Semen analysis (61 million everything looking great with it) Hepatitis, and Hiv
All ended up coming back great with both of our tests except my prolactin was a bit high. It was 32 and they want it under 30. So I retested like 4 days later and it was 29.

At this appointment on 10/23 we also went over everything regarding our med dates and retrieval / transfer dates. Also we had to take a packet that we had to sign in front of a notary, and bring back regarding our frozen embryos. If I die he gets them, If He dies I get them, If we both die they destroy them, If we get divorced I get them. So strange to think about those things..

 

On 10/23 they also had me start birth control Orthonovum. My pharmacist gave me the generic necon 1/35
Which I have to say made me feel like CRAP! I called the nurse 3 days in and asked her if I could go back to that other one I was on before surgery because I feel sad, nauseous, angry, anxiety, super negative thinking. She said "I'm so sorry honey, I hear from a lot of women it does that. It's gonna take a couple weeks for your body to get used to it, but I'm sorry you have to stay on it" UHHHH!!! THIS SUCKS!!!

The drug company called me and told me my meds would be $5,400.00!! IM SORRY WHAT?!
I was on the phone talking to them, and I said " My fertility dr's office said it's paid for through the end of the year" In walks my husband and says " No they just said the procedure not the meds" I was like uhh you hush! I was not to thrilled about this.. The lady said she will have their insurance specialist call our insurance company and see what she can do. So they call me back the next day and tell me that they can get them down to $2,300.00. I was like ok thats better but it's still not free like I thought it would be so I am disappointed. She told me there was a note on my file that said something about a specialty pharmacy. So she sent my perscription over to them, and they called to tell me that they can fill the entire thing for $216.00!!
I had her read everything to me, and it was all correct except she said  the word "enema" in there, and I asked her why I would have one of those. She said some dr's do them so the patient does not have a bowel movement during the retrieval. Sick!! Ok I guess I'll try and do it =(
I paid for the meds, and felt so proud of myself for not settling on paying thousands.
Also as a side note I found out after.. My friend told me she used to work for a pharmaceutical company and if people said the words" I can't afford the meds" she would send them for free because it was part of their protocol to get rid of a certain percent because they had so much medication. So for sure try to work with the drug company and try different ones. Mine came from a company that contracted through Walgreen's 
 

Month 20- October 2012 Do another hsg & Decide to do IVF

As I am on my period late Sept I decide I wanna get an appointment for an hsg to look around and make sure my insides still look good and tubes are open. So we do the hsg and just as I suspected left tube is blocked. My fertility dr said it was due to the ectopic causing scar tissue. That sounds crazy to me since I had pain on the right side the entire time, but whatever.. I have come to realize with this fertility thing anything can happen. SOOO what this now means is I am working with one tube and can only get pregnant if I ovulate from the right side. everything else looked good in the X-ray That made me sad to hear because I always feel myself ovulating from the left side, and my ultrasounds have almost always shown my left side doing the ovulating. So we knew in about 4 days we would have to come in and check which side it would be coming from this month. I prayed and had hope since I was feeling something on my right side I thought it might be good news at the dr. Which it was! YAY!  Egg is on the right side! Brandon was with me, and we were really excited to hear this. It measured in at 16mm so we knew it would release in about 3 days. So they told us when to have sex. As we were leaving the front desk lady told us that since we have met our deductible for the year that IVF would be paid for by insurance if we did a cycle before the end of the year. My Dr walked by and we talked about it for a second he said he thinks it would be a good idea to just do it. The nurse joined in the conversation , and said "If I was you and it was paid for I would defiantly do it!" Ahhh scary I thought!! I was like ok we will for sure keep it in mind and maybe move forward with doing it if this egg does not work this month. So at the end of the month I started. Also craziest thing ever check out my fortune from my birthday fortune cookie....

Is this a sign from god? If we were to do IVF we would put 2 in and hope for twins for sure. I always imagined it coming to that for some odd reason, and I always told Missy maybe we were meant to go through all this so we get twins.
Maybe the fortune is saying just do IVF... MAKE 2 GROW where there was only a grouch before. That's what I'm gonna tell myself. lol.

So I called my nurse and let her know I need an appointment so we can move forward with IVF for my next cycle.

Month 17,18 &19 - July, August, Sept 2012

Ok so last 3 months May, June and end of July nothing new since I couldn't try after the ectopic, and us being careless after the surgery when we were told not to try and did I learned my lesson! So when we did have sex we used condoms and pulled out. I have really just been trying to stay healthy and happy. My weird allergy to dairy from the methotrexate went away thank goodness! These last few months have been nice knowing I have no choice but to stay out of the " Trying" game. My last period finally starts on July 28th so we can start trying again after it's over.
We have unprotected sex for the first time since the one time that got me pregnant 8/7/12 and his sperm burns my uterus so bad!!! I literally had to run and push it out. It felt like salt in an open cut. Hmmm a weird cut in there from my surgery 5 months ago is that possible? Not sure what else it could be.. Anyway we have sex through out the week it goes away.

Long story short August AND September period comes. Yes I tested like crazy...YES that is a flash light..

These 2 months I cried really bad because I was just sure it would work right away.. My sister in law had her adorable baby so that made me feel sorry for Brandon and I that we are STILL dealing with this fertility issue.

Month 14- April 2012 Ectopic pregnancy and given Methotrexate. ER for terrible pain diagnosed with gas

So on Monday Brandon and I go in and the nurse said if yall wanna wait about 20 minutes I'll see if I can get it back. Brandon and I were scared, and promised our self we wouldn't get too upset if it came back bad because we knew we were not supposed to try, and I wasn't healed. So she came in and said I'm so sorry but it's 38. We immediately started saying stuff like it's ok we knew we were supposed to wait that this could happen, and at least we know now that we can get pregnant. She told us that in a day or 2 I would start a "heavy period" and to stop the hormones. On Thursday night I started to cramp a little, and by Friday morning my stomach felt like this.... 

I was sitting on the toilet crying in pain. My legs were shaking, I was terrified... This was not like a heavy period it was like hell. I wanted everything out now!!!! I would sit on the toilet and push when I felt like I needed to and clots would come out. Not too big, and the blood was nothing more than the first day of your period but IT HURT =(
If you are going through an early miscarriage I recommend- extra strength Tylenol (take 2), a heating pad, many rolls of toilet paper, someone in the house to help you when you need it, some comfy pj's, try to poop so you don't have any extra pressure in your belly. Eat soup. Sleep...and gently push when you feel like you need to. After that first day of hell I felt a lot better and the bleeding lightened up. The pain was coming from how thick my lining had gotten, and now had to shed and come out I am guessing. They couldn't see a sac in my uterus or anything in the tube so I doubt all that pain was coming from the microscopic fetus..

So Monday I go in for an hcg reading and it was 17. So it was still in there dying off? Eww! What the hell does this mean I want it to be over =( So 2 days later hcg is 17 again! The nurse tells me if it goes up from here its ectopic and in my tube. I started then feeling terrible shocking pain on my right side so I just knew it probably was. So 2 days later my level was 30. Super duper!! So now I get treated with Methotrexate a chemo therapy shot that dissolves the fetus. Geeze thats not traumatizing at all to hear! So on my husband birthday they give me the shot. I felt a tad worn down like I was about to get the flu or something, but nothing too bad. We went out for dinner and as I was eating I all the sudden had an american pie moment. Lol! You know that part where the guy runs to the girls restroom and has gas and poops it up like crazy. Yup that happened to me emergency style at the restaurant. I actually laughed in the restroom because I was so shocked and embarrassed that was really happening to me. I felt a lot better and was able to make it through dinner. After that we went home , and I just laid around. Worst painful gas of my life.
About 4 days later at around midnight I started to feel terrible shoulder pain and my belly was so bloated and in pain I just knew I must be eternally bleeding. I had googled about ectopic's and how they can rupture your tube and make you bleed to death so I was having anxiety, and scared. I called my doctor, and left an emergency message. He called me back in a few minutes and told me it was highly unlikely that I was internally bleeding because it was so small, and If I'm in that much pain I can go to the ER but he thought it was just the methotrexate doing its job. I called Missy to see if she could run my to the ER since she was right down the street, and my husband had a flight in just a few hrs. I wanted to make sure I was ok. the pain  and pressure was terrible. So we get to the er and they run a bunch of tests. My belly was so bloated something had to be wrong. I had Missy snap a pic since I knew I wanted to talk about this in the blog. Not sure if you can see it but I was so bloated to the point my ribs were hurting.

So the blood tests show my hcg is now 5, my potassium is a bit low, and sugar is just a little high. Then the ultrasound tech comes in to search for the blood leaking into my abdomen which I just knew I had due to this pain. She spent around 10 minutes trying to find my right ovary. She said I have a crazy amount of "bowel gas" and that's why she can't find it.  After about 15 minutes of her looking around she found it and all looked good. she said there was no blood, but so much gas that that's where the pain is coming from. Which was due to the methotrexate. Really that's it? GAS!! I'm telling you though this gas was on another level, and I couldn't push it out. =/

A couple days after that the pain was back but so bad I thought I was gonna faint. Brandon was driving me back to the ER because I felt like my tummy was gonna explode, and on the way I was crying and screaming for him to drive faster. He told me to call the fertility Dr, and tell them we were on our was to the Er, and what has been happening. they said turn around and rush to them. So I walked in crying, and guess what?

EXCESSIVE BOWEL GAS!!
 As you can see I was not happy. We figured out that me eating dairy would set it off, I was eating a ton of it because I couldn't eat anything with folic acid. I had never had a dairy allergy before the the methrotrexate so I'm assuming it messed something up. What the methotrexate does is depletes your folic acid, and does not let new cells grow, and that's how the fetus dies off and just dissolves. So I'm cutting off dairy until I'm back to normal.
From the day I took the methotrexate it took 11 days until I finally was down to 0 level of hcg.
I had a week of no blood then I started my period. I know it was my period but my dr said he didn't think so. ( following month I started 28 days later so I know it was)
Now I have to wait 3 months to try again. So that my folic acid builds back up, and my body is ready.

Month 13- March 2012- Not supposed to try but IM PREGNANT!!!

Wow so March was a crazy month for me!! My doctor told me at my follow appointment after the surgery that he wanted me to go back on the pill for a month so I don't get pregnant while my body is healing. I promised him I would not have sex , and if I did we would use condoms. Sooooo we did have sex on a Friday, and I knew I would be ovulating later the following week maybe about 5 or 6 days away. I doubted I would actually get pregnant so we didn't use a condom, and he didn't pull out either. I went on with the month as normal.. I went out a few times with girlfriends, and had a few drinks. I actually was really happy, and ate pretty healthy. So 4 days before my period was due I wiped after peeing and saw brown watery stuff on the toilet paper. I said in my head wow wonder if this is implantation blood?! Looked just like the dark spotting you get last day of your period. It went away after that , but I was still suspicious. I took a first response and it was negative. So The next day being Thursday I took a dollar tree test and I could kind of see something, but as you know if you have taken them they sometimes like to make a pretty evap line and fake you out. Here is a pic of it...

So I was feeling great on Friday. My husband, and I were shopping , and were in 2 different cars so on my way home alone I got that very weird warm horny feeling I had remembered from the hcg trigger shot. So I thought ok I'm gonna swing in and get some First Response's just in case since we had plans with Missy and Joey to go out to dinner and drinking in just a bit.. I had to pee really bad when I got home so I ran up stairs and peed on one. to my surprise I watched it turn into this...

 

Faint but there was a thin lite pink line!!! ( You might have to move your screen up and down to see it)

 I flew down the stairs and showed Brandon. He said he could see it but don't get excited yet. So I jumped in my car and ran into the store to grab digitals. I got this with that same cup of pee....

I was in complete shock!!!!!! I must have peed on no joke around 1,000 tests in the last 13 months just to be disapointed every time. Was this real am I gonna be a mom? O no the doctor told me not to try until I heal up. Ahhh now I'm scared!!! O nooooo my poor Missy!! She just told me a few hours prior that she started her period, and she was out for the month , and looking forward to going out. So I sent her the pic of the First response and said I just tested and this happened... She text me back something like " Thats awesome I'm so happy for you" My excited happiness then fully turned into O no this is so unfair!!! I wanted her to be pregnant too! I felt so awkard!! =( I told her a couple hrs before dinner that maybe we should skip dinner because I didn't wanna make her feel weird or hurt. She then told me that she had been crying since she got home and was just having a bad day, and agreed we should skip our plans. Uhhh I felt terrible for her. The next thing I thought was YAY my baby will be here only 16 weeks after my sister in laws so we both get babies!! It's all ok now!!! It finally happened for me!

Saturday morning I got up and went to target, and got Missy a big basket with tons of fertility boosters like- mucinex, opk kit, pineapples, baby aspirin, green tea, prenatals, protein shakes, redbulls for her husband to drink before sex... Just a bunch of random stuff, and a card that told her we are in this together , and she is next. I told her husband to look outside for it in a few minutes I'm gonna drop it off outside. She text me and told me how thankful she was and how it made her happy. =)

We waited until Sunday, and then told Brandon's parents and Brother , and sister in law. They were all so happy for us.
Later in the day this day I started having a bit of pain. I wanted to take a pic of what my belly looked like at month 1, and when I took it I tightened it to make it look good ( lol) and felt a shock in my uterus area so I sat down on the toilet and had a bit of red blood! Ummm what the hell is this? I called my girlfriend and talked to a few others also googled it and apparently it can be normal in early pregnancy so I just laid low, and It went away. Super scary.
So Monday I went in to the fertility Dr for an hcg. My Dr was passing by when I was having the draw, and I said "oopsie I'm pregnant" He smiled and said it should be ok, but I did want you to wait.. A few hrs later the nurse called to tell me my hcg was 23. Very low but pregnant. They want your hcg to double every 48 hrs in a normal pregnancy.

Two days later it was 44. Two days later it was 78. The nurse that called to tell me that level told me it was probably a bad pregnancy because its not double. I was furious!! I told her to ask the doctor if I should come in and what he thinks of that level , and call me back. So about an Hr later he calls me and says it could be ok we will test again after the weekend, but he wants me to go on hormones because mine are low. So they put me on the dot estrogen patches, and progesterone suppositories. The hormones made me feel bloated and my boobs were killing me.