Month 21- November 2012- ivf cycle #1- birth control rant "Ortho-novum"aka Nicon 1/35

 YAY!!! I finished a Birth control pack, and I only have 9 days left of them!! Thank goodness!!!!

 These things are so hit or miss when I take them. Sometimes I won't really notice them, and other times I get really down in the dumps, and on edge for no real reason.

 They just force you into that negative mood. Honestly most of the time if I'm not doing work I try to just lay low watch tv, funny movies, chat on the phone with friends and family.


I am loving food lately also! I have gained 5 lbs in 3 weeks. My boobs are swelling up, really sore, and rock hard. OUCH!

 

I have been doing my best to avoid stress because I'm sure if I had to deal with stressful things I might cry or yell at people.  I own a cleaning business, and mostly work from home. I have an assistant that handles all the clients, and cleaners so that makes it so much easier on me during this time. So yea I'm looking forward to the menopause shots right about now. =)-

 

Month 20 & 21 Late October and November 2012- Meds are in, I hate these birth control pills

Well they are in!! All that's gonna go in my body in a matter of 10 days? Quite overwhelming...
So some shots send me into menopause.. Others send me into super ovulating, There is an antibiotic in there. A trigger shot. I just stuck it all in the fridge. I really don't wanna get to overwhelmed or get anxiety about each and every thing in the bunch.

A couple days later I gained this new attitude of  " I'm gonna own this process. I'm gonna be brave. I WILL get through it, and I will try my hardest to stay positive that it will work, and just take it one step at a time, and work hard for my baby(s)"

I'll let you know how I'm doing in a couple weeks. Lol!

Can I also just show you what these birth control pills are doing to my face.. BOOO!!!

I have always had clear skin , and these pills are causing me to have itchy, hard, cystic acne all over the chin, and face.

Month 20- Ending of October 2012 Starting IVF,Talk to a friend's friend who did ivf with my Dr, Birth control pills, I order all the ivf meds

I am going into this very scared, and not knowing anything of what to really expect. All I can think about is having over stimulated ovaries that could burst, being sick, having like 10 frozen babies lost in time, my husband getting sick of me being sick and moody... Lots of scary thoughts and no one to talk to. I have googled " ivf experience" and " ivf review" and no one is telling what happened to them, what meds were the worst, or tips on how to work through it. =/

A friend of mine had a friend that used my same fertility dr, and she gave me her info so I called and had a talk with her. She made me feel so much better! She said she wished she would have moved right to IVF and not waited so long, and that it was really no big deal, and it goes by fast. They put 2 embryos in her , and one took. She now has a beautiful daughter as the result. She also had a polyp, and had my same surgery. So this makes me so happy to hear. She also said her friend just had twins, and used our dr too.

So on 10/23 they had Brandon, and I come in for some testing, and to talk -

Me- Hormone panel, Hiv, hepatitis
Brandon- Semen analysis (61 million everything looking great with it) Hepatitis, and Hiv
All ended up coming back great with both of our tests except my prolactin was a bit high. It was 32 and they want it under 30. So I retested like 4 days later and it was 29.

At this appointment on 10/23 we also went over everything regarding our med dates and retrieval / transfer dates. Also we had to take a packet that we had to sign in front of a notary, and bring back regarding our frozen embryos. If I die he gets them, If He dies I get them, If we both die they destroy them, If we get divorced I get them. So strange to think about those things..

 

On 10/23 they also had me start birth control Orthonovum. My pharmacist gave me the generic necon 1/35
Which I have to say made me feel like CRAP! I called the nurse 3 days in and asked her if I could go back to that other one I was on before surgery because I feel sad, nauseous, angry, anxiety, super negative thinking. She said "I'm so sorry honey, I hear from a lot of women it does that. It's gonna take a couple weeks for your body to get used to it, but I'm sorry you have to stay on it" UHHHH!!! THIS SUCKS!!!

The drug company called me and told me my meds would be $5,400.00!! IM SORRY WHAT?!
I was on the phone talking to them, and I said " My fertility dr's office said it's paid for through the end of the year" In walks my husband and says " No they just said the procedure not the meds" I was like uhh you hush! I was not to thrilled about this.. The lady said she will have their insurance specialist call our insurance company and see what she can do. So they call me back the next day and tell me that they can get them down to $2,300.00. I was like ok thats better but it's still not free like I thought it would be so I am disappointed. She told me there was a note on my file that said something about a specialty pharmacy. So she sent my perscription over to them, and they called to tell me that they can fill the entire thing for $216.00!!
I had her read everything to me, and it was all correct except she said  the word "enema" in there, and I asked her why I would have one of those. She said some dr's do them so the patient does not have a bowel movement during the retrieval. Sick!! Ok I guess I'll try and do it =(
I paid for the meds, and felt so proud of myself for not settling on paying thousands.
Also as a side note I found out after.. My friend told me she used to work for a pharmaceutical company and if people said the words" I can't afford the meds" she would send them for free because it was part of their protocol to get rid of a certain percent because they had so much medication. So for sure try to work with the drug company and try different ones. Mine came from a company that contracted through Walgreen's 
 

Month 20- October 2012 Do another hsg & Decide to do IVF

As I am on my period late Sept I decide I wanna get an appointment for an hsg to look around and make sure my insides still look good and tubes are open. So we do the hsg and just as I suspected left tube is blocked. My fertility dr said it was due to the ectopic causing scar tissue. That sounds crazy to me since I had pain on the right side the entire time, but whatever.. I have come to realize with this fertility thing anything can happen. SOOO what this now means is I am working with one tube and can only get pregnant if I ovulate from the right side. everything else looked good in the X-ray That made me sad to hear because I always feel myself ovulating from the left side, and my ultrasounds have almost always shown my left side doing the ovulating. So we knew in about 4 days we would have to come in and check which side it would be coming from this month. I prayed and had hope since I was feeling something on my right side I thought it might be good news at the dr. Which it was! YAY!  Egg is on the right side! Brandon was with me, and we were really excited to hear this. It measured in at 16mm so we knew it would release in about 3 days. So they told us when to have sex. As we were leaving the front desk lady told us that since we have met our deductible for the year that IVF would be paid for by insurance if we did a cycle before the end of the year. My Dr walked by and we talked about it for a second he said he thinks it would be a good idea to just do it. The nurse joined in the conversation , and said "If I was you and it was paid for I would defiantly do it!" Ahhh scary I thought!! I was like ok we will for sure keep it in mind and maybe move forward with doing it if this egg does not work this month. So at the end of the month I started. Also craziest thing ever check out my fortune from my birthday fortune cookie....

Is this a sign from god? If we were to do IVF we would put 2 in and hope for twins for sure. I always imagined it coming to that for some odd reason, and I always told Missy maybe we were meant to go through all this so we get twins.
Maybe the fortune is saying just do IVF... MAKE 2 GROW where there was only a grouch before. That's what I'm gonna tell myself. lol.

So I called my nurse and let her know I need an appointment so we can move forward with IVF for my next cycle.

Month 17,18 &19 - July, August, Sept 2012

Ok so last 3 months May, June and end of July nothing new since I couldn't try after the ectopic, and us being careless after the surgery when we were told not to try and did I learned my lesson! So when we did have sex we used condoms and pulled out. I have really just been trying to stay healthy and happy. My weird allergy to dairy from the methotrexate went away thank goodness! These last few months have been nice knowing I have no choice but to stay out of the " Trying" game. My last period finally starts on July 28th so we can start trying again after it's over.
We have unprotected sex for the first time since the one time that got me pregnant 8/7/12 and his sperm burns my uterus so bad!!! I literally had to run and push it out. It felt like salt in an open cut. Hmmm a weird cut in there from my surgery 5 months ago is that possible? Not sure what else it could be.. Anyway we have sex through out the week it goes away.

Long story short August AND September period comes. Yes I tested like crazy...YES that is a flash light..

These 2 months I cried really bad because I was just sure it would work right away.. My sister in law had her adorable baby so that made me feel sorry for Brandon and I that we are STILL dealing with this fertility issue.

Month 14- April 2012 Ectopic pregnancy and given Methotrexate. ER for terrible pain diagnosed with gas

So on Monday Brandon and I go in and the nurse said if yall wanna wait about 20 minutes I'll see if I can get it back. Brandon and I were scared, and promised our self we wouldn't get too upset if it came back bad because we knew we were not supposed to try, and I wasn't healed. So she came in and said I'm so sorry but it's 38. We immediately started saying stuff like it's ok we knew we were supposed to wait that this could happen, and at least we know now that we can get pregnant. She told us that in a day or 2 I would start a "heavy period" and to stop the hormones. On Thursday night I started to cramp a little, and by Friday morning my stomach felt like this.... 

I was sitting on the toilet crying in pain. My legs were shaking, I was terrified... This was not like a heavy period it was like hell. I wanted everything out now!!!! I would sit on the toilet and push when I felt like I needed to and clots would come out. Not too big, and the blood was nothing more than the first day of your period but IT HURT =(
If you are going through an early miscarriage I recommend- extra strength Tylenol (take 2), a heating pad, many rolls of toilet paper, someone in the house to help you when you need it, some comfy pj's, try to poop so you don't have any extra pressure in your belly. Eat soup. Sleep...and gently push when you feel like you need to. After that first day of hell I felt a lot better and the bleeding lightened up. The pain was coming from how thick my lining had gotten, and now had to shed and come out I am guessing. They couldn't see a sac in my uterus or anything in the tube so I doubt all that pain was coming from the microscopic fetus..

So Monday I go in for an hcg reading and it was 17. So it was still in there dying off? Eww! What the hell does this mean I want it to be over =( So 2 days later hcg is 17 again! The nurse tells me if it goes up from here its ectopic and in my tube. I started then feeling terrible shocking pain on my right side so I just knew it probably was. So 2 days later my level was 30. Super duper!! So now I get treated with Methotrexate a chemo therapy shot that dissolves the fetus. Geeze thats not traumatizing at all to hear! So on my husband birthday they give me the shot. I felt a tad worn down like I was about to get the flu or something, but nothing too bad. We went out for dinner and as I was eating I all the sudden had an american pie moment. Lol! You know that part where the guy runs to the girls restroom and has gas and poops it up like crazy. Yup that happened to me emergency style at the restaurant. I actually laughed in the restroom because I was so shocked and embarrassed that was really happening to me. I felt a lot better and was able to make it through dinner. After that we went home , and I just laid around. Worst painful gas of my life.
About 4 days later at around midnight I started to feel terrible shoulder pain and my belly was so bloated and in pain I just knew I must be eternally bleeding. I had googled about ectopic's and how they can rupture your tube and make you bleed to death so I was having anxiety, and scared. I called my doctor, and left an emergency message. He called me back in a few minutes and told me it was highly unlikely that I was internally bleeding because it was so small, and If I'm in that much pain I can go to the ER but he thought it was just the methotrexate doing its job. I called Missy to see if she could run my to the ER since she was right down the street, and my husband had a flight in just a few hrs. I wanted to make sure I was ok. the pain  and pressure was terrible. So we get to the er and they run a bunch of tests. My belly was so bloated something had to be wrong. I had Missy snap a pic since I knew I wanted to talk about this in the blog. Not sure if you can see it but I was so bloated to the point my ribs were hurting.

So the blood tests show my hcg is now 5, my potassium is a bit low, and sugar is just a little high. Then the ultrasound tech comes in to search for the blood leaking into my abdomen which I just knew I had due to this pain. She spent around 10 minutes trying to find my right ovary. She said I have a crazy amount of "bowel gas" and that's why she can't find it.  After about 15 minutes of her looking around she found it and all looked good. she said there was no blood, but so much gas that that's where the pain is coming from. Which was due to the methotrexate. Really that's it? GAS!! I'm telling you though this gas was on another level, and I couldn't push it out. =/

A couple days after that the pain was back but so bad I thought I was gonna faint. Brandon was driving me back to the ER because I felt like my tummy was gonna explode, and on the way I was crying and screaming for him to drive faster. He told me to call the fertility Dr, and tell them we were on our was to the Er, and what has been happening. they said turn around and rush to them. So I walked in crying, and guess what?

EXCESSIVE BOWEL GAS!!
 As you can see I was not happy. We figured out that me eating dairy would set it off, I was eating a ton of it because I couldn't eat anything with folic acid. I had never had a dairy allergy before the the methrotrexate so I'm assuming it messed something up. What the methotrexate does is depletes your folic acid, and does not let new cells grow, and that's how the fetus dies off and just dissolves. So I'm cutting off dairy until I'm back to normal.
From the day I took the methotrexate it took 11 days until I finally was down to 0 level of hcg.
I had a week of no blood then I started my period. I know it was my period but my dr said he didn't think so. ( following month I started 28 days later so I know it was)
Now I have to wait 3 months to try again. So that my folic acid builds back up, and my body is ready.

Month 13- March 2012- Not supposed to try but IM PREGNANT!!!

Wow so March was a crazy month for me!! My doctor told me at my follow appointment after the surgery that he wanted me to go back on the pill for a month so I don't get pregnant while my body is healing. I promised him I would not have sex , and if I did we would use condoms. Sooooo we did have sex on a Friday, and I knew I would be ovulating later the following week maybe about 5 or 6 days away. I doubted I would actually get pregnant so we didn't use a condom, and he didn't pull out either. I went on with the month as normal.. I went out a few times with girlfriends, and had a few drinks. I actually was really happy, and ate pretty healthy. So 4 days before my period was due I wiped after peeing and saw brown watery stuff on the toilet paper. I said in my head wow wonder if this is implantation blood?! Looked just like the dark spotting you get last day of your period. It went away after that , but I was still suspicious. I took a first response and it was negative. So The next day being Thursday I took a dollar tree test and I could kind of see something, but as you know if you have taken them they sometimes like to make a pretty evap line and fake you out. Here is a pic of it...

So I was feeling great on Friday. My husband, and I were shopping , and were in 2 different cars so on my way home alone I got that very weird warm horny feeling I had remembered from the hcg trigger shot. So I thought ok I'm gonna swing in and get some First Response's just in case since we had plans with Missy and Joey to go out to dinner and drinking in just a bit.. I had to pee really bad when I got home so I ran up stairs and peed on one. to my surprise I watched it turn into this...

 

Faint but there was a thin lite pink line!!! ( You might have to move your screen up and down to see it)

 I flew down the stairs and showed Brandon. He said he could see it but don't get excited yet. So I jumped in my car and ran into the store to grab digitals. I got this with that same cup of pee....

I was in complete shock!!!!!! I must have peed on no joke around 1,000 tests in the last 13 months just to be disapointed every time. Was this real am I gonna be a mom? O no the doctor told me not to try until I heal up. Ahhh now I'm scared!!! O nooooo my poor Missy!! She just told me a few hours prior that she started her period, and she was out for the month , and looking forward to going out. So I sent her the pic of the First response and said I just tested and this happened... She text me back something like " Thats awesome I'm so happy for you" My excited happiness then fully turned into O no this is so unfair!!! I wanted her to be pregnant too! I felt so awkard!! =( I told her a couple hrs before dinner that maybe we should skip dinner because I didn't wanna make her feel weird or hurt. She then told me that she had been crying since she got home and was just having a bad day, and agreed we should skip our plans. Uhhh I felt terrible for her. The next thing I thought was YAY my baby will be here only 16 weeks after my sister in laws so we both get babies!! It's all ok now!!! It finally happened for me!

Saturday morning I got up and went to target, and got Missy a big basket with tons of fertility boosters like- mucinex, opk kit, pineapples, baby aspirin, green tea, prenatals, protein shakes, redbulls for her husband to drink before sex... Just a bunch of random stuff, and a card that told her we are in this together , and she is next. I told her husband to look outside for it in a few minutes I'm gonna drop it off outside. She text me and told me how thankful she was and how it made her happy. =)

We waited until Sunday, and then told Brandon's parents and Brother , and sister in law. They were all so happy for us.
Later in the day this day I started having a bit of pain. I wanted to take a pic of what my belly looked like at month 1, and when I took it I tightened it to make it look good ( lol) and felt a shock in my uterus area so I sat down on the toilet and had a bit of red blood! Ummm what the hell is this? I called my girlfriend and talked to a few others also googled it and apparently it can be normal in early pregnancy so I just laid low, and It went away. Super scary.
So Monday I went in to the fertility Dr for an hcg. My Dr was passing by when I was having the draw, and I said "oopsie I'm pregnant" He smiled and said it should be ok, but I did want you to wait.. A few hrs later the nurse called to tell me my hcg was 23. Very low but pregnant. They want your hcg to double every 48 hrs in a normal pregnancy.

Two days later it was 44. Two days later it was 78. The nurse that called to tell me that level told me it was probably a bad pregnancy because its not double. I was furious!! I told her to ask the doctor if I should come in and what he thinks of that level , and call me back. So about an Hr later he calls me and says it could be ok we will test again after the weekend, but he wants me to go on hormones because mine are low. So they put me on the dot estrogen patches, and progesterone suppositories. The hormones made me feel bloated and my boobs were killing me.

Month 12- Feb 2012 The polyp removal surgery " Hystroscopy"

They told me I need to remove my nail polish the night before and I also couldn't eat or drink after midnight =( So I got there and they had me take off all jewelry, and put a gown on. I then laid in a bed with curtains in a room with about 15 other people. the lady next to me was crying to her husband about how she was scared and something about a lump in her breast that they were testing.. How scary! =( They stuck an iv in my left hand that they taped down and it just stayed there pinching me. I was nervous, and cold. Probably because of the bag of fluids they were giving me. so about 45 mins later the anesthesiologist comes in and goes over everything with me. Shortly after that the nurse comes in and says ok I'm gonna give you something to relax you and sticks a tube in my iv.. As I was telling her wait I'm scared what is that she just starts pushing it through telling me it will make me feel great just relax. With in about 30 seconds I felt like I have 5 shots! Wow I'm fine and happy now! Hahah! So she wheeled me in a room with what seemed like 10 people all around the surgery table. So they scoot me from the bed to the surgery table, and the  anesthesiologist puts one of those plastic masks on my face just like in the movies. By the way I have never had surgery or been knocked out.. Next thing I know I was dreaming and could hear talking. then with in about a minute it was just like I woke up from a nap. Waa laa I'm back! Felt a tad foggy but not bad at all. I remember the outside of my vagina felt sore, and I asked them why and the nurse said "Oh probably from the catheter" Excuse me!! When did I say yall could use one of those?! When I was a kid I had a bad experience, and they forced one in because I had a bladder infection, and I wet the bed until I was 12. Ahh whatever I guess it's part of the surgery protocol so I don't pee on the doctor. I left with a jumbo pad on, and felt just like I was starting my period. Kinda crampy, but shockingly not too bad at all. I was starving so my husband and mother in law ran me to get soup and a taco from my favorite mexican restaurant. After I ate I slept the rest of the day, and just laid around watching tv. Honestly the surgery was not bad at all. I spotted for about 2-3 days very little. Worst part was that iv in my hand. It left a bruise for about a week or so.

Month 11 Jan 2012- Become friends with Missy and finally know another young girl struggeling with fertility issues

Mid month right after the saline hyst my husband and I are out to dinner at a small restaurant, and run into my old friend and his wife. I said hi and went to our table. His wife Missy was on my face book, but I don't really know her too well, but thought I'd write her, and tell her we should hang out one day or double date since we live so close. The more we talked through face book I told her about our fertility issue. To my surprise she is also having a problem getting pregnant , and sees a fertility doctor too! Yay someone who understands what I'm going through. We thought it was for sure god bringing us together so we could have someone to talk to, and go through this tough time with. We joke around call our self team infertillies. lol.

Month 10 & 11 (December- January 2012 ) IUI failed and nurse finds a uterine polyp

Well I really did think this was going to work since we still couldn't find anything wrong with us. I even felt a weird pain around implantation time, so I was sure this was gonna be our month. My period started like clockwork. Really confused and annoyed I made an appointment to talk to the fertility doctor, and see what we need to do now. He had us talk to the nurse to go over options. I asked her " If I was your sister or best friend what would you have me do next to try and get pregnant? We really want our baby, and I don't understand what's happening here. It's so frustrating and I'm getting really bummed out" She said give me a minute let me look at all your scans. Shortly after she showed me a picture of what she though to be a polyp right at the top of my uterus where an embryo would implant, but it would prevent it if it was a polyp. She told me she would show the doctor and call me. So I get a call the next day from her letting me know that the doctor agrees it could very well be a small polyp! YAY! FINALLY WE MIGHT HAVE FOUND THE PROBLEM!! So she schedules me for a saline hysterosalpingogram. Which is a test where they shoot saline water into the uterus and stick the ultrasound wand in there and look at the screen to see if they can see anything moving in the liquid. I made sure to let them know I needed a valium when I got there. So a couple nurses and the doctor come in and asked me how I was feeling and joked with me. I was feeling really good from the valium, and really didn't feel much. The doctor took the wand out and said " Ok so there is a polyp in there acting like an IUD and is probably the reason implantation is not talking place."  I went home and slept. Later in the week we scheduled my removal surgery for Feb 14th valentines = / Isn't that nice.. They had me go on Birth control pills before the surgery which I thought was weird. They told me it was to thin out the lining, and prevent pregnancy. I was put on Loestrin which after a few days made me feel happy, motivated and more energy.. Kinda strange considering yrs ago when I took the pill it made me puke and I was super angry and sad.. So it was nice that it did the opposite for me.  Well  we found a possible reason and are moving in the right direction to fix the issue so I'm excited to see if this works for us.

MONTH 10- First CLOMID/ IUI CYCLE December 2011

Well we decided on moving forward with the clomid/ iui this month. If nothing is wrong with us maybe we have been timing it wrong some how, and hopefully this will work.
 Clomid (50mg was my dosage) is a medicine to make me "super ovulate" as they called it. They checked me through ultrasound about cycle day 3 when I was still on my period to make sure I didn't have any cysts, because if I did the clomid would make them grow. I was fine.. So I took it cycle days 5-9  to develop big follicles that have eggs in them. The clomid gave me cold clammy skin, hot/cold flashes, I would randomly see silver spots kind of like a small alien flash of light, ovary area on both sides felt swollen, my brain would randomly go blank when I was talking or thinking about something. This happened quite often. I didn't like this drug, but of course I just took it for the greater good.. 
 Then they did another ultrasound on cycle day 10 to see if the clomid did it's job. Only one 19mm follicle!? =/  Umm don't I make one on my own? I was hoping for maybe 2 or 3. O well at least they will know when its gonna drop. That's right they make it drop by having you give yourself a shot called ovidrel.  It's HCG hormone ( the pregnancy hormone the baby creates), so your body thinks its pregnant and it will then drop the egg out with in 24-36 hours. My hcg shot was 6,500iu's taken on cycle day 12. My mother in law gave it to me because we were on a trip together, and I was scared to do it myself. It was funny I kept telling her "WAIT NOT YET!!" Lol! I was so scared, and it was the tiniest needle ever. Finally she just did it. I was waiting to feel sick, but all I felt was about 10 minutes later my right kidney area got a burning cramp for a minute or two.. Then I went and laid down for bed. I awoke about an hour later with the CRAZIEST feeling ever!! I was warm all over my body and and super super HORNY. I popped my eyes open, and was thinking WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!! It was almost painfully horny. My husband was back home in another city, and I was with my mother in law and her sister in the house. That would just be weird to take care of it if you know what I mean ; ) So I just kinda giggled, and thought wow this is crazy just gonna have to try and ignore it.Then I went back to bed.

 Monday morning cycle day 13 I went in for the IUI also known as artificial insemination. I made them give me a valium since they were sticking a catheter into my cervix again. Which if you read how my HSG test went you can understand why I'm horrified of the pain involved with the cervix. I recommend you take at least half of one if you have to have anything done involving the cervix to numb it out!  Brandon came in a few hours prior to my appointment so he could give his "sample". They have a process they do with it in the lab where they wash all the seminal fluid out, separate the good strong sperm, and add in this creepy milky pink liquid for the sperm to swim in. So my dr came in and read the name on it and showed me. It was a small vial around the size of my pointer finger about half way full of the milky pink mixture. So I laid back put my legs in the stirrups, and the Dr went in with the catheter. It was weird because even though I had a valium  I felt it touch the top of my uterus. I screamed " EWW UGLY!!" Lol! Random thing to say guess I was trying not to cuss.. Two seconds later it was done.  the Dr told me to just lay there for 15 minutes then we are free to go. I asked Brandon if he used the movies or magazines earlier when he gave his sample. He laughed and said yes. Haha!

MONTH 9- Finding out I would not be giving my mother in law her first grand child =(

I have actually put of doing this particular blog entry for a while because I would have to say this was the most devastating blow of the entire not being able to get pregnant situation, and it makes me feel sorry for myself to relive it, but here we go...

Let me just try to paint you a quick mental picture of my mother in law.. She is AMAZING! Super sweet, giving, fun, down to have some drinks with me or go shopping, young spirit, easy to talk to , and always has great advise. She  is for sure the most creative crafty person I have ever met. If you look at my wedding pictures below she made or put everything together, and not in a cheesy home made way, but a fabulous "I can't believe you did that!!" kind of way. She loves decorating, throwing bridal/ baby showers for people.. Every one just loves her.. I could not have been blessed with a better mother in law.

So when we started trying I was so excited to start decorating a baby room 
( Me and mother in law of course) research all the cool stuff out there.. Just talking to her and us being excited about the new baby and putting everything into place just like we did with the wedding. We didn't tell her until November that we had been seeing a fertility doctor because we didn't want to worry her. Finally because we were so stressed out with it, and talking to her always made me feel like I was keeping a huge secret Brandon, and I decided to tell her. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders to be able to talk about it with her. So I told her all about the testing and what we plan to do next..

In late November we were driving to the in laws ranch to spend the weekend when Brandon's only brother calls him (It's just the two boys no sisters). All I could hear Brandon say was "O Wow that's awesome man!! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you" I was texting back and forth with a girlfriend at the time , and thought hmm wonder what they are talking about and wouldn't that just be so sad for Brandon and I to hear they were pregnant before us?!?! Then I thought no way they got married after us, they are younger, they are not trying.. Ok quit thinking irrational scary thought back to texting.. So Brandon gets off the phone a few minutes later, and I look over at him jokingly and say " They aren't pregnant are they?" He had a sad look on his face and said  "Yea they are"... I immediately burst into the ugly cry!! =( That's so devastating for me I thought to myself! My mother in law is so important to me, and now her first grand baby that I was so badly trying to give her was already on it's way. Look I understand they are our family , and have every right to have a baby when ever they want, and I am very happy for them. I just didn't think of that as a possibility. Hearing that was so unreal. I just could not process it. So I just cried. We were about an hour from their house, and I'm gonna have to face my mother in law and act happy for them? I can't take away her excitement by being selfish , and crying in front of her.. That's not fair. So we get there, and I just wanna say hi and go cry myself to sleep in private. Also to top it off Brother and sister in law would be there the next day. I felt so pitiful and sorry for myself. I was scared to cry in front of them too.

 ( From left- Mother in law, husband, Father in law, brother in law, sister in law.. I was taking the picture.)


So we are hanging out the next day and sister in law tells me " You know just throw away those ovulation kits, no more putting your legs up after sex, just relax have fun and make lots of love to your husband, and it will work"
 Yes I understand she meant nothing by it, but I had been trying to relax not stress! Along with everything else in the book for months!! So that hurt hearing something like that from her even though I know that was not her intent. I at this point was just so extremely sensitive, and on edge with this subject.
Like I said with finding out my good friend Julie was pregnant, and not me You are so happy for them but the realization of how everyone is getting pregnant except you, and also being reminded of it every time you turn around just hurts so bad. Jealousy kicks in and you are just angry.The fact that I didn't get to give my mother in law that great gift is still hard for me to come to grips with, but all I can do is keep on truckin along trying to get pregnant =/

Month 7 " Unexplained Infertility"

So that's it? NOTHING is wrong with either of us? Just bad luck?  They say really to wait a year before seeking help from a fertility doctor, so maybe we should just try on our own a bit longer? This is so annoying! I feel like if we keep doing what we have been doing then we will just keep getting the same result. =( I was really hoping they would say my hormones were off, or something small that they could fix, and then I would be pregnant a few weeks later. O well. Back to trying on our own for a few months... They told us we can do a Clomid/ Iui cycle if we want, but I was a bit scared to do that just yet if I didn't have to, so we are gonna try on our own for a while longer. =/

MONTH 7- HSG (HYSTROSALPINGOGRAM) experience & results

Ok I read up on this test before I went in and the reviews and experiences scared me to death! I saw some women passed out, some threw up, some said the pain can be really scary. What they do is put a catheter in through the cervix then once in the uterus a little balloon sneaks out of the tip and is blown up in your uterus. The balloon is a bit bigger than a quarter, but I hear it feels the size of a brick. Then they inject dye to see if your uterus fills up and the dye spills into the tubes and ovaries. You can see the process on the screen as they inject the dye.

So Brandon went with me in case I couldn't drive after, and for moral support of course. When it was my turn they tell me he can't some in due to the X-Ray machine =( GREAT!
The nurse was really sweet, and asked me if we were trying to get pregnant, and made small talk until the X-ray tech gets in. Wow he looks like he is 25 and for some reason he reminds me of a sleezy bar guy that creeps on women =/

                                          (Closest pic I could find to what he looked like)

 GREAT THIS GUY GETS TO DO THE SCARY TEST ON ME... I'm not feeling happy about this. So he gets me set up and takes a poke at the cervix and I scream OUCH!!! " Sorry your cervix is small just give me a second"  Ten minutes later and feeling like I just had 500 darts thrown at my cervix he says we are going to have to stop because its " Just too narrow" Omg! I have to have this test done!! Whats gonna happen? Is this why I'm not getting pregnant "Narrow cervix disease" Is that a thing? Lol! He tells me it happens sometimes and I'm just gonna have to reschedule and prior to trying this again I will have to first go to my fertility Dr and get dilated (preyed open) so it will fit.
I bled a little when I got home. Idiot guy I bet he didn't know what he was doing!

A few days later we are headed to try this again- So I go to my fertility Dr and ask him if my " Narrow cervix" is whats preventing me from getting pregnant. He said absolutely not you have a period blood comes out of it sperm are microscopic and can go through so don't worry...
 He attempts to dilate me and I scream BLOODY MURDER!!!! O HELLLLLLL NO!!! STOP-HAULT-NO- NO- NO!!!! He pulls away and asks if I need a valium. At that point I was crying and horrified. I felt so violated.. "What was that and why did it hurt so bad??" YES! I'VE NEVER DONE DRUGS BUT I'LL HIT THE CRACK PIPE RIGHT THIS SECOND IF IT GETS ME THROUGH THIS! Don't get me wrong I drink when I go out but always been scared of putting drugs into my body until that moment. So I took one ate some animal crackers and grape juice, and 20 minutes later I was on a cloud =) feeling so relaxed and cosy. Kind of like being drunk and happy but also numb everywhere. He dilated my cervix and I didn't even feel it! First he tried the really tiny catheter then the normal size that they would have at the X-Ray place. It went in! YAY! So I strolled out and Brandon drove me to the X-Ray place. A different older looking tech did the procedure thank god. I was really giggly and let them know I was feeling good and on Valium.  He put it in and I felt this numb painless pressure down there. I asked if it was in.. He said yes its blown up about to inject dye. I started crying and said "Omg thank god it went in im so happy!!" I was even happier that I was numb. He then told me to watch the screen, and as I did I saw the dye spill into the tubes then ovaries! All was good! I asked him if anything at all looks weird. He said " Well I see something in your left tube thats very tiny maybe a polyp, but the dye passed so it's not gonna cause a problem" Eww whats a polyp I thought.. O well whatever.. He said I'm good so I PASS YAY!!

Month 6 we get the results from the initial fertility testing

So my theory was WRONG Brandon's sperm count was at 125 MILLION!! It also had good motility and morphology. They say 20 million is good.. So yea he is a " Rock Star" as he called himself when he found out. All my blood work looked great also! I'm "A positive" blood type I have immunity to chicken pocks.. Estrogen/ progesterone look good my egg quality and count are good. So now it's time for the pelvic exam & ultrasound. Which also looks great we learn. Next up and last test the HSG..

Month 6 we meet with the fertility doctors for the first time

Prior to going to the actual office they had us each fill out a questionnaire online asking tons of personal questions. I thought wow they are really going to be investigating everything to find out whats wrong. How cool!
When we get to the doctors office, sign in and sit down I notice all most all the women in the room have nice wedding rings and designer bags ( including myself not gonna lie) I asked Brandon later if he noticed that , and why is it that women who want a baby , and are in the position to be able to provide a great life for one so often end up at the fertility doctor?! He then reminded me all kinds of women have fertility problems , but so many of them can't afford to come see a specialist so they just don't get help. O yea! I guess that makes sense! That's so sad though! =(

So we finally get called back, and Meet our two Doctors. They explain to us that we will be starting off with the initial round of testing including:
Semen analysis for Brandon
For me- pelvic exam, testing for estrogen levels, thyroid function, progesterone level, prolactin levels, androgen levels, and follicle stimulating hormone levels.  FSH (follicle stimulating hormone), TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) They also test blood type, immunity to diseases, and other random stuff I don't remember.. Also I would have to have a test called Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) to check and make sure my tubes were open.
Crazy!

So to recap... Checking to see if I have a good amount of eggs and see if they are good quality, see if I have a thyroid issue, if I ovulate, if my tubes are open, gonna look around in there to make sure everything looks ok with my ovaries, and uterus, make sure my hormones look good, if tubes are open and other random stuff.

YAY! I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT THAT I'M GREAT AND WHAT WE CAN DO FOR BRANDON'S BAD SPERM. LOL!

Screw this we need to see a fertility doctor!!

Brandon, and I talked and decided we don't wanna wait  a year until we get checked to see if there is a problem. This is getting ridiculous already!  I assumed he had damaged his swimmers from using steroids back in college, and wanted to see what they could do about it if my theory was correct... I couldn't think of what else could be getting in the way. We are both healthy, never had std's, I have never had a surgery, he has never been injured in the privacy area. So I made us an appointment at the fertility center for the following week. LET'S DO THIS!!

Month 5 - Maybe trying with friends is not such a good idea

One of my best friends Julie had been married a little less than Brandon, and I to her husband who is Brandon's best friend since childhood. She had talked about trying soon, so I begged her to try with me this month. We went to stay the weekend with them, so I brought her an opk to pee on , and see if she was ovulating. From what it was looking like our cycles were just a couple days off. I got a positive opk on a Saturday and she got hers Monday I think it was might have been Sunday. I thought it was pretty cool we were only a day or 2 apart.. So we both covered our fertile window, and hoped for the best.. Two weekends later we had planned  a little mini get away. Us and the husbands  stayed at her grandpa's while he was out of town. I couldn't wait to see her and take test together. How cool would that be if we were both pregnant at the same time!
So on the drive there I stopped off at the gas station to pee, and realized I started my period  =( Booo!
The thought crossed my mind for the first time that what if she was pregnant, and I wasn't?? Yea I didn't think about that =/ but surely she couldn't be this was her first try..

So we get there settle in, and I remember telling her " Well the bad news is I started the good news is I can drink."  She had not tested yet so we went in the bathroom together, and she peed on the stick then said " Ohhh look its doing something!" She handed it to me and I watched the second line pop up. You have got to be kidding me!! All I could think was OMG THAT'S SO NOT FAIR she had only tried 1 month!! What did she do that I didn't that got her that positive? After about a minute of feeling sorry for myself secretly, I suddenly realized I was thinking selfish and needed to be excited for my friend. Because despite my personal sadness I really was so happy for her. We were both trying for the same thing, and its not her fault I wasn't pregnant. Next I thought O no Brandon is gonna be sad when he hears they are gonna have a baby, and we are not. I could see it in Brandon's eyes that he was disappointed in our situation when she showed her husband the test. Again you are happy for your friends, but there is still that jealous/ sad feeling of "why not me?"

Month 3 of trying Blue dye test BFP??

So I wanted My husband to get me First Response but he thought what the heck he would save probably a dollar or so and get me the generic store brand. This was the first time I had ever taken a blue dye test, and I never heard anything bad about them, so I was SOOO EXCITED when I saw this!

My husband thought it looked a lot lighter and wanted me to wait before we got excited, and go have a blood test in the morning. I thought how dare him ruin my moment! So I went the next morning and got a beta. He was right! Negative! I started my period a day later like clockwork was this a chemical? What happened??
                                                                                    I doubt a test could turn like that , and not be pregnant right?

So month 4 being the next cycle I took the other test in last months box and SAME THING!! So I went and got another box at the store. Had my husband pee on a test AND GUESS WHO ELSE IS PREGNANT!!
So I called and yelled at the company who makes the test. They sent me a couple digital tests in the mail. Yea whatever.. =( BOOO!!

Dear everyone I know,

Your pregnant and you were not even trying... Congratulations!

Lol! No but really this is how I feel when I keep hearing EVERYONE but me is getting pregnant.

Playing the Pee-Pee Lotto!!

Why spend a dollar on a lottery ticket when you can spend a dollar on a pregnancy test and have a chance at winning something much more valuable that money... Your very own baby!!!
 If you don't win the first time play, play AGAIN! That's my motto ; )
Below you will see what I use in 3 days (4 tests a day sometimes more. Then I compare them of course)

Lol! Watching the pee cross the test spot then the control is such an addiction for me once 6 days past ovulation hits. Hoping I had enough sex at the right time. Just praying my efforts are finally gonna pay off. Which unfortunately they have not been  : (  BOOO!!!! 

Trying to get pregnant the first few months

Well isn't this fun...I love my husband, and I love having sex with him but geeze this is starting to feel like more of a chore than what I use to know sex as. THIS IS NOT SEXY SEX!! =/

(My positive OPK- When the test line on the left is as dark or darker that control line on the right)

 " Hey honey, we have to go try to make the baby! My cervical mucus is like egg whites and the ovulation test shows positive! Come on lets just go real quick , and we can come back to watching our show right after"

So we have tried the every day, the every other day, and the every 2 days.
Pre-seed lubricant- To help the sperm swim easier
Soft cups- After he finishes you lay elevated and shove one of these things in to keep the sperm from coming back out. To me it felt like a stiff  live strong bracelet, or a spring that was gonna pop out. EWW! I could only keep them in about an hour.

Ovulation predictor kit ( opk's) - A test that detects lutenising hormone telling you that you'll ovulate in the next 24-48 hours.
Laying with my hips elevated for 30 minutes after sex-  Yes this is supposed to help the sperm get way in there I guess. lol. So I would just have my husband bring me my laptop, or phone and I would lay still until I just absolutely had to pee.

ABOUT ME

Hello there! My Name is Stephanie. I just decided I needed to create a blog involving my fertility struggles, and experiences. I am tired of goggling stuff and not many people are giving details and tips like I would like to see. So I'm gonna have to back track to get everything from the start of my fertility journey to current time...  I am 29 years old never been pregnant before. I am wife to an amazing man named Brandon. We have been married now two and a half years. Together a total of 4 yrs 5 months. I own a busy cleaning company and work from home. Brandon also works from home.I have 2 dogs. Have some pretty awesome friends, and family. I would say I have been greatly blessed in so many ways. I wanted to try for kids right after our wedding. Brandon wanted us to have all our debt paid off, which took us about a year to do, so in March of 2011 we tried our first cycle. I was so excited because you try so hard to not get pregnant that for sure if you have unprotected sex through out the month that means you will get pregnant right? Well for some lucky people that is true. Not for us . I was shocked at the end of the month when I got my period! Then the next month...then the next.. 5 solid months of really trying! Laying with a pillow under me for 30 minutes after sex tried preseed, soft cups... You name it I tried it. Still nothing. So Brandon told me to book an appointment with the fertility doctor so we can see if something is wrong. I know they say to try for a yr before you seek help but we didn't wanna wait. We wanted to be pregnant with our baby 4 months ago.

                                     DREAM WEDDING

                                                 

                                            ENGAGED